In an early morning surprise today, the polar ice caps melted.
Legal experts expect a flood of litigation. "We are certain that the courts will be inundated with cases," said ABA legal correspondent H. I. Waters. "I would like to state the grounds for these lawsuits," he said, "but there appear to be none left."
Federal judges are concerned about the proliferation of cases from low-lying areas. One judge remarked, "We usually grant delays but none of these cases can be put on ice. Plaintiffs will have to be prepared to proceed or they will be frozen out of the process."
Court clerks have been ready for weeks. "You thought the mortgage crisis was bad? We expect to be completely underwater with all these new filings," said head district court clerk, Noah S. Arc. "Hand me that sandbag."
Meanwhile, enrollment in Water Law classes at the University of Connecticut School of Law continues to rise. "Court materials for my class will include inflatable rafts," said UConn Law professor Mel T. Eng. "We won't be discussing any riparian rights cases," he opined.
Some UConn Law students called the class, "a glass half full." Others agreed adding, "We expect to find this class overflowing with exciting new ideas but the physical reality of attending class while wearing SCUBA gear will be hard to swallow. How will we be able to check the ski report during class? Our laptops will short out."
Commentators and late night talk show hosts who have consistently referred to lawyers as "sharks" may finally get it right.
For more on this far reaching story follow this link to a full explanation of the issues involved.
